By Joshua Dent
Did you ever hear a song so many times that you felt like you were one note away from deliberately gouging out your own eyes with a bright and shiny #2 pencil?
Carly Rae’s “Here’s My Number, Call Me Maybe” had me reaching for my trusty #2 on many occasions this past winter in Jongli, Taiwan.
Never heard of Jongli, Taiwan? What’s wrong with you? I am just kidding.
It is just a small suburb of Taiwan’s capital city Taipei. To me, it’s urban and flat, with a river that smells like the dumpster behind Mcdonald’s.
I really am not kidding about how bad I hate that song. I was very close to going absolutely Ape-Shit if I heard that song one more time.
NOTHING in this ENTIRE world pissed me off more this last winter than day, after day, after day, after day of hearing the WORST song in American history.
I would have to go back to the early 80’s when my brother and sister, Ryan and Kori, used to lock me in the family station wagon and blast Nena’s 99 red balloons to find a song I hated like that. Do you forget what I am talking about? Don’t worry, I got you covered with a link.
If the stores, bars, and gym weren’t enough, it even made its way into the Taiwan elementary schools.
That was when I walked past “The Chungli English Village.” This is a huge elementary school that ships kids in from all over our county to study English.
It is comparable to Disney World inside from what I have been told. Each classroom has a different Walt-Disney based theme.
The trouble came when I could hear the music playing in the background. I knew right away it was “The song.”
I felt like I was locked up behind bars for 15 years for a crime I didn’t do as I watched these kids forced to sing and dance to this shit. I was absolutely helpless. I had no power or ability to make it stop.
Let me start out by saying one thing. I am an absolutely horrific musician. I played the banjo, kazoos, and a few other random instruments on occasion for many years. I never really progressed past “Skip To the Lou My Darling” level songs.
I am certain my neighbor appreciated this. I went with one of the softest and most docile choices you could make as a beginning musician. I decided it was time to buy an acoustic guitar.
I found the beauty of a guitar I now call “Madgun 520” after only visiting a few stores.
Next time, we will go on an adventure to the Shane (Taiwanese pronunciation- Shan) school to see what happened after I got a wild hair up my ass to show off my two chords to a room full of 8 year olds.